For fuck's sake

I am beginning to think I shouldn't leave the house. I am beginning to not want to leave the house. The men of Philadelphia will not leave me alone to enjoy my Metro, my coffee, shopping or any other activity. I'm young, I'm female and apparently I'm on the menu. Kill me.

A friend of a friend has decided he would like to have sex with me. Neato, but I'm already seriously involved and also seriously repulsed by the idea that a guy like that is even attracted to me. It's one of those things where I think that if someone like that (and by like that, I mean a transparent player with a side of pseudo intellectual bullshit) would be interested in me, I should re-evaluate my life and perhaps how I appear to people. Because if it seems like I'd ever go for someone that is clearly shady, I may be putting out a vibe that I don't mean to.

I mean, glad that you think I'm attractive, but why don't you go have a beer instead of staring at me like I'm a fucking animal at the zoo? Whatever happened to manners, tact and class? Do men really just get off on competing with other men to the point that they don't notice that the woman he's competing for would rather stab herself in the face with an icepick that respond positively to his sexual overtures?

In other news, I've officially moved to Rittenhouse Square. I live in a lovely high rise. It's great to have a 15 minute commute to work in West Philly. And it's absolutely fan-fucking-tastic and amazing to no longer live with my fucktard of a roommate any more! No more dogs, dog shit, disgusting food in the slow cooker for days on end! No more cleaning up messes I wasn't home to make! No more unemployed jerkoff talking to me about how all women are! No more sex with the door open! No more ridiculous bills being handed to me! YAY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Seriously, I hated that guy and if I ever see him again I'll struggle to refrain from throwing him into the river.

I hate my roommate

Yes, I do. I hate my roommate, how bout you?

I'm convinced he's just fucking with us. Because it's not really possible to be this obtuse. Or is it?

I mentioned to him that this living situation might not be working for us and that we'd keep him updated regarding any changes. So two days later, he tells me him and his girlfriend might be looking for a place this fall. OK, good for you. Then he said something to the effect of "Well, it could happen quickly or it may take awhile, so if you could just hold off on moving until we find a place... " and then I stopped listening.

Dude. I hate living with you. My boyfriend really hates living with you. I hate the fact that you made some ridiculous dinner, allowed it to form an inch of burnt rice on my pot and then you WALKED AWAY. I scraped the burnt crap off my pot (45 minutes) and put it back in the sink, curious to see how long it might take him to clean it. Three days. And he only did it because I was in the fucking kitchen putting the rest of my cookware away. His excuse for not cleaning it? "It was hot"

OMG.WTF.BBQ.

So with things like that in mind, why the hell would I stop looking for a new place until he finds one himself? I told him that as a courtesy, so that he wouldn't be completely blindsided when I announce I've found a new place that doesn't come with a 35 year old idiot.

Obtuse.

Lately I've really had a strong desire to stop renting, stop dealing with ridiculous roommates and just BE. I'm domestically oriented by nature and the idea of having some lovely Victorian home (preferably to restore) appeals to me. Unfortunately I'm not exactly swimming in a few thousand extra dollars at the moment. My goal is to begin saving something, anything towards this goal beginning in September. And to pay off all other debt ASAP. Aunt Sallie is a bitch.

Speaking of ridiculous roommates, ours can't figure out why we have an issue with him leaving the door open while he's having sex. His argument was that if he heard us, he'd be happy for us. We were not complaining about volume, asshat. We were lamenting on the complete lack of respect you have for others. If you really don't mind people having sex wherever they feel like it, then I suppose there's no reason for us and a few friends to refrain from going at it in the kitchen while you're cooking or watching TV. The boyfriend has also threatened to implement an open door shitting policy while he's eating dinner. Perhaps that would convey the message that hey, doors are neato.

To be completely honest, it's hard not to want to mess with a person who is being deliberately obtuse. We had considered hooking up the speakers and playing Michael Jackson's "Beat It" at an intense volume whenever the open door fucking begins. Alternatively, it might be fun to convince our roommate that we're involved in some sort of illegal activity. Have various people start calling and dropping by at all hours, behave in a paranoid manner. This is what I do instead of actually snapping. I daydream.

Love is...

Getting up early to clean your bedroom, because over the course of the week it looked like the Paper Elf had been littering the end tables with train schedules, receipts and maps. I vacuumed the floor. I dusted. I DUSTED. I wiped down the bathroom. A feeling of joy sweeps over me. My cats look at me as if I've finally lost my mind.

The boyfriend made lunch. It was delicious. He then mopped the floor and vacuumed both floors. This is love. Or, it is OCD in the most magnificent form.

What is not love? The realization that our ridiculous roommate is incapable of doing any of these tasks. He is also incapable of cleaning dishes, putting them back in the cabinets after they've dried, using a vacuum, cleaning his bathroom, wiping off counters, etc. He IS capable of eating our food and finishing off ice cream. Is it August yet?

The sociopath in the next room.

What's grosser than gross? My roommate!

In general I don't mind this person, but the sanitation leaves a lot to be desired. I have lived here for 3 weeks. So far, I have coped with the following:

Fun with Salmonella: This is what you risk when you prepare raw chicken and touch surface after surface without washing your hands. Touch the counter, touch the stove, touch the fridge and turn yourself around. That's what it's all about. I have to wonder if he thinks salmonella is some sort of urban legend.

Slow Cook in Perpetuity: Your average person makes dinner in a slow cooker, leaves it on for 6-8 hours, eats and then refrigerates the contents. Unless of course you're insane. Then you think it's OK to leave the cooker on for 3 days and continue eating the contents. I'll give you a minute to process that.

Fun with Feces: Why house train your dog when you're home? Let your brand new roommates discover the fun and joy of having shit conveniently at their door. Make sure not to clean it up after you've obviously seen it. Bonus points for allowing the dog to saturate the carpet with piss.

Exhibitionist Tendencies: Have sex with your girlfriend. Leave the door WIDE open so your roommates can hear you moaning and groaning. Do this constantly so they know it's not a one time fluke.

Green Cream: Open sour cream. Discover green substance growing on the surface. Do you throw it away? Nah. Simply remove to green funk and enjoy!

Can I use your bathroom? You know, the bathroom that is connected to your bedroom and doesn't have locks on it? Cause that's not weird at all. No sir.